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The Rules Experiment

Friday, March 17

Rule # 2: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)

Ok, so Rule #1 (be a creature unlike any other) had some merit, but I am seriously doubting Rule #2.

"Never? Not even 'Let's have coffee' or 'Do you come here often?' Right, not even these seemingly harmless openers. Otherwise, how will you know if he spotted you first, was smitten by you and had to have you, or is just being polite?"

I like to think that I'm a fairly friendly person. And I think friendliness is much more attractive to a guy than aloofness (if that's even a word). As to whether or not he's just being polite, if he wants to be around me more, I think that's a fairly good indication that he's not just being polite.

"By not accepting the concept that the man must pursue the woman, women put themselves in jeopardy of being rejected or ignored, if not at the moment, then at some point in the future."

Sure we do. But by waiting for a man to approach us, we put ourselves in jeopardy of being very alone, as well. And aren't men putting themselves in jeopardy of being rejected if they have to approach us? I don't know a single person who hasn't been rejected at some point in their lives, and the more often it happens, the more gun-shy we all become- men as well as women. There are probably some great guys out there who are being passed by because they are too afraid of being rejected to approach a woman.

On the other hand, I have pursued men before, and that rejection is the worst. So I think we need to find some happy medium. My opinion is that it is alright to approach a guy, but if he doesn't seem interested, then move on.

"A word about dances." (again with the dances!!) "It's become quite popular these days for women to ask men to dance. If a man doesn't bother to walk across the room to seek you out and ask you to dance, then he's obviously not interested and asking him to dance won't change his feelings for you. He'll probably be flattered that you asked and dance with you just to be polite and he might even want to have sex with you that night, but he won't be crazy about you. Either he didn't notice you or you made it too easy. He never got a chance to pursue you and this fact will always permeate the relationship even if he does ask you out."

"Dances are not necessarily fun for us. They may be fun for other women who just want to go out and have a good time. But you're looking for love and marriage so you can't always do what you feel like. You have to do "The Rules." That means that even when you're bored or lonely, you don't ask men to dance. Don't even stand next to someone you like, hoping he'll ask you, as many women do. You have to wait for someone to notice you."

Ok, so maybe that man that you asked to dance won't be that interested in you, but maybe by going out on the dancefloor and having fun, someone else will notice you. It is my belief that men are much more likely to notice the girl on the dancefloor, having a good time, and lighting up the room with her smile. By standing around and waiting for someone to ask you to dance, I think you are setting yourself up to look standoff-ish and boring.

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