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The Rules Experiment

Wednesday, April 26

Rule #3 is Crap, Unless You Are Selling Drugs

"Do you know that there are workshops designed to teach women how to make eye contact with men they find attractive? Save your money. It is never necessary to make eye contact. What about letting men know you're receptive? We suggest simply smiling at the room (or the universe, if you will), and looking relaxed and approachable.""On the first date, avoid staring romantically into his eyes. Instead, look down at the table or your food, or simply survey the crowd at the restaurant. He will feel crowded and self-conscious if you gaze at him too much."

Absolutely 100% wrong. You know how I know a girl at a bar or other social function is interested? She keeps looking at me. The ones who don’t? Why would I waste my time on somebody who obviously doesn’t appreciate how I look? No, no, no, no, no. Checking me out, or dare I say even staring at me all night, is the quickest way to a man’s heart. And as for staring off into space? Perhaps if I were looking for some Peyote I would approach a girl with a thousand yard stare. Or maybe if I were into chicks that have just gotten back from ‘Nam. Otheriwse, do try looking at me girls. I put a lot of work into how I look, if you can’t appreciate it I don’t have time for you.

And if you are staring at the table or the food on a date, you know who comes off as crowded and self-conscious? YOU! You look too nervous to talk to me! Believe it or not, guys like confidence too. And even if we assume “The Rules” are right (kind of like assuming Saddam was going to attack us with nuclear weapons, but whatever) who wants to be with a girl who makes you feel crowded? Is that fun? The more I read this, the more I think this author wrote this shit for shock value.

"One of the hardest aspects of dating is figuring out what to say. If you're smart, you'll just stay cool and just listen to what he has to say. Follow his lead. If he wants to talk about dance clubs, tell him which ones you've been to and which ones you like.""Don't feel you have to be entertaining or have interesting conversation all the time. On the date itself, be quiet and reserved. He'll wonder what you're thinking, if you like him, and if he's making a good impression."

From a male perspective, I actually kind of like this one. Because nobody loves talking about themselves more than I do. When a girl has nothing to say, I will just sit there and ramble on about my friends, my life, my family, whatever. Now, do I think girls like to hear about this? Hell no. But it beats the shit out of uncomfortable silences. That being said, if you are female, why on Earth do you want to go out with a guy who doesn’t shut up about himself? Nobody likes that. This is horrible advice unless you want to end up with a self-centered guy who really doesn’t care what you have to say. I prefer a good, two-sided conversation, don’t get me wrong. But if a girl is following this nonsense, it will just give me a better chance to talk about my favorite subject: Me.

Sunday, April 9

Rule #3: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much

"Do you know that there are workshops designed to teach women how to make eye contact with men they find attractive? Save your money. It is never necessary to make eye contact. What about letting men know you're receptive? We suggest simply smiling at the room (or the universe, if you will), and looking relaxed and approachable."
"On the first date, avoid staring romantically into his eyes. Instead, look down at the table or your food, or simply survey the crowd at the restaurant. He will feel crowded and self-conscious if you gaze at him too much."


Ok, so I will agree that staring at a man you're interested in at a bar probably isn't the best idea- you could end up looking like a stalker. But no eye contact?? Give me a break. I firmly believe that it is necessary to at least make eye contact with someone to let them know you're interested. And smiling at the room? Ok, so I'm supposed to sit alone at a bar, smiling? Do you have any idea how crazy that looks? I can guarantee you that if you use this technique, absolutely NO ONE will approach you. Men generally don't approach women who look like they are a few sandwiches shy of a picnic.
And when on a date I'm not supposed to make eye contact with the guy? It seems to me that if I am out with someone and they are looking at everything but me, I'm going to assume that they have no interest in me or in what I have to say.

"One of the hardest aspects of dating is figuring out what to say. If you're smart, you'll just stay cool and just listen to what he has to say. Follow his lead. If he wants to talk about dance clubs, tell him which ones you've been to and which ones you like."
"Don't feel you have to be entertaining or have interesting conversation all the time. On the date itself, be quiet and reserved. He'll wonder what you're thinking, if you like him, and if he's making a good impression."


While I agree that being a chatterbox is a definite turn-off, I don't think that being quiet and reserved is the best policy, either. I think that if he is the man for you, letting your real personality show through is the best thing that you can do. If you are quiet and reserved, don't try to be something else on a date. But if you are fun and quirky, then by all means, show your true self. Trying to be reserved when it's not who you are will come across as fake. If the guy wants a quiet woman, then he's not the right man for you.

All of these rules seem to be telling you to be someone you aren't. What happens if the "Rules" work and the guy falls in love with you? The answer is that they don't work, because if he falls in love, it's not with you; it's with the person you are portraying by following the "Rules."