The Rules Experiment

Wednesday, March 22

White Dade's Take on Rule #2

Never? Not even 'Let's have coffee' or 'Do you come here often?' Right, not even these seemingly harmless openers. Otherwise, how will you know if he spotted you first, was smitten by you and had to have you, or is just being polite?"

I think I did an entire post about something like this once. Just because a man approaches you does not mean that he is “smitten” or “has to have you.” He may just also be being polite. And again, this is why “The Rules” just irks me to no damn end. Because there are a lot of men out there who find it unbelievably sexy when a woman approaches them. So you are weeding out a good portion of the population. And the guys who always approach women? Jackasses, all of them.

"By not accepting the concept that the man must pursue the woman, women put themselves in jeopardy of being rejected or ignored, if not at the moment, then at some point in the future."

Ash, you have a good point. When a woman is rejected by a man it is much more devastating than the other way around. To say that men are more open to advances than women would be like saying the US is more open to new ideas than Cuba. That being said, your chances are a hell of a lot better. But let’s not forget, it’s not like guys live for being turned down either. Personally, I will approach a girl maybe once or twice a year, and generally that girl has to be on Spring Break and at least six Rum Runners into the night. Otherwise, I figure if a girl wants you, she’ll talk to you. Rejection is my biggest fear, so I guess I can’t blame a woman for feeling the same way.

"A word about dances." (again with the dances!!) "It's become quite popular these days for women to ask men to dance. If a man doesn't bother to walk across the room to seek you out and ask you to dance, then he's obviously not interested and asking him to dance won't change his feelings for you. He'll probably be flattered that you asked and dance with you just to be polite and he might even want to have sex with you that night, but he won't be crazy about you. Either he didn't notice you or you made it too easy. He never got a chance to pursue you and this fact will always permeate the relationship even if he does ask you out."

"Dances are not necessarily fun for us. They may be fun for other women who just want to go out and have a good time. But you're looking for love and marriage so you can't always do what you feel like. You have to do "The Rules." That means that even when you're bored or lonely, you don't ask men to dance. Don't even stand next to someone you like, hoping he'll ask you, as many women do. You have to wait for someone to notice you."

Okay, for the sake of this blog, lets just call “Dances” “Clubs.” Because in a modern setting, this is what she is referring to (again, for my LDS readers out there, you are the exception). You know how women ask men to dance nowadays? They walk up and dance near a guy, hoping he’ll catch on. But no rejection is really risked because you’ll never know if the guy wasn’t interested or he was just too drunk/high/enthralled by the DJ to notice you were there. And how do guys ask girls to dance? They come up behind them and start humping away like they were on a National Geographic special. Not very romantic at all, is it? If you are looking for a long term partner, do you really want to tell people at your engagement party, “Then Larry came up behind me and started grinding himself on my ass, and I knew it was love?” Best to avoid “Dances” altogether if you are looking for anything more than intoxicated sex.

I will agree with one point, though. If you initiate thing it does put you at a disadvantage in the future. Because in any relationship there is always one person who likes the other person more, and that is the one at the disadvantage. So, I guess for once, The Rules does make a valid point.


Anonymous nicole said...

Why am I just now running across this through BlogMad? Dade, I know you said you were coming up with an alternate blog but you didn't really want "us" to read it. Is this it?

3/26/2006 11:39 PM  
Blogger Bad at Life said...

I don't know much about this Rules business, but one problem with this whole theory is that it makes dating and even flirting (and dancing) sound like zero sum games, where only one person can approach or be approached.

Most of the women I've been really into have made me do the pursuing, but there's always been an element of meeting halfway.

3/28/2006 6:59 PM  
Blogger Aurelius said...

I've found that one has to be agressive in this world, particularily as the general level of social skills in our society deteriorates every second.

Also, if one takes a passive stance, eventually Love will find you - but that partner might not be the very best you could have achieved. Quality mates are not going to eventually 'get around to you.' Plus, since our time on this planet is finite, no point in waiting.

I like the content on your blog, but the background was screwing with my eyes.

3/30/2006 12:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of late I haven't had too much success hitting on girls at bars but I've had an epiphany.

So my buddy and I were both striking out big time of late, so we lowered our standards and started to hit on fat girls, mostly for fun, but hey 10-15 deep... So after actually getting shot down by some heffers this weekend(probably because we were being obnoxious, inappropriate asses) we were approached by some sevens. They asked us about the over-weight girls and I ingeniously made some shit up about inner beauty and...case closed.

Not my brightest moment but I think I found out a new strategy.

- Florida hater

8/21/2006 10:24 AM  

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